woke up with one of those post-bad-dream sweats. GRAH. wake upp! ):
disliking the horror section in film. no matter how awesome it is, i can never go to sleep anymore -___-`
Sometimes, or actually quite often, I question the sanity of this beautiful world.
Being that I am merely a young child, barely knowing anything beyond what I experience, I have encountered some facets of the human condition of which I am amazed, awed, and utterly disappointed. I feel as if mob-mentality barely skims the surface of what everyone, especially teenagers, subject themselves to. What ever happened to considering a situation as an individual with no biased third-party input? What ever happened to the vitality of temperate words spoken in the coolness between the warmth of two people? What ever happened to believing in the sheer integrity of a person? I know for a fact that if taken as singular sects, you all would come to the same conclusion. Yet all it takes is the venomous bite of a few tainted words to prompt the spread of a poison.
I am not created of concrete. I am flesh and I am human. I am capable of being paralyzed by this poison and although it may not be the right thing to do, I do have the right to pretending everything is okay, but feeling hurt and betrayed nonetheless.
I keep my disposition warm and naive, but my thoughts distant because I always encounter the same end. I don’t know how to change it, I don’t know how to approach situations more incredulously, but I guess that will remain my own perpetual flaw. This is not to blame an external force that stifles whatever optimism I have within. It’s only because I can no longer hold it in, and by it I do not mean anger or a need for vindication, but only of disbelief.
I am sorry that regardless of all I have tried to do to make you all happy, it was still not enough. I don’t know what else to say but I am sorry. Sorry, and that although it may be difficult, I will embrace you all for whatever it is you may throw at me because I always will ultimately believe, whether self-destructive or not, in the honesty of this beautiful, beautiful, baffling world.
NOTE: I hope no one reads this, but I’m guessing my subconscious is wishing someone will. I don’t know, I will probably delete this in time. Oh look, my phone is vibrating, haha.
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.” —William Butler Yeats
knows more selena gomez songs than i do. smh. xD